What Were the Turning Points in Your Life?

I have often think about the different events in my life, that have guided me to go one route or another in life.  One of the major events for me, was connected to my father, and the day that he left.

My parents divorced when I was young, and my only memory of it was when I came home from playing to ask my dad where my mum was, and he said that she had gone to my nans.  I remember that evening mum picking my sister and I up, and we stayed at my nans.  Other than that, I don’t know the full story.  However, my dad was special to me – until I was about 9 or 10 years old.  It was coming up to Christmas, and my mum, sister and my step dad (who I now call dad) and I  had been out for the weekly shop.  When we came home, my dad was standing at the bottom of the stairs to our flat.  I rushed to see him, and then I rushed upstairs with the shopping to put it inside.  As I went to go back downstairs, I could hear that a conversation of sorts going on, so I stood at the top of the stairs and listened.

My dad begun, and said “I can’t see the kids any more, as it’s causing too many arguments”.  I don’t remember much else of what was said, but that was what I do remember of the conversation, and my mum just looking confused and saying “OK”.  I remember being very upset, crying, and feeling rejected, yet not knowing what for – what were the arguments?  I didn’t see my dad again until nearly 10 years later at his fathers funeral.  He didn’t talk to me much, opting to speak to my mum instead.   I remember wanting to chat with him, but that didn’t happen.  After that, it was another 10 years later at his mothers funeral.  This time it seemed worse when I saw him.  He didn’t speak to me, and only said “alright” to my sister, and when we all went to my aunts house for tea and sandwiches, he stayed in the kitchen, whilst my sister and I were in the living room.  I remember getting ready to leave, and when I went into the kitchen, he wasn’t there.  He had left without even saying goodbye.

I actually felt devastated by what had happened and couldn’t believe he hadn’t said goodbye.  That night I was at my spiritual development group, and as I sat there in grief, my nan (his mother) stepped forward to me.  A strong lady, she set me straight, saying “Don’t let that son of mine make you cry”.  I laughed as the tears were wiped away, and since then I have not thought of my father, or why he no longer wanted to see my sister or I.  I recognise that whilst my father has his path, I have mine, and I can no longer let that experience hold me back from experiencing life.

 

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