Replacing “Could” for “Should”

The language of the mind works in many different ways!  I know that I have written about this in many different ways over the past 28 days, but there are many layers in peeling an onion, and the mind is just the same!  One statement that I know I have said a lot of in the past is “I should be doing (this).”  It’s actually quite a negative statement as it’s telling me what I should be doing, even though I don’t want to, and putting pressure on me to do it as well!

One of my “shoulds’ is ~ I should clean my bedroom!  As I look at that statement, it was something that was told to me again and again as a child, and whilst I don’t know if I was really messy or untidy, I do remember that it left me feeling very child like.  Especially as I become older.  I remember when I was 18 and having an argument with my mother and father at the dinner table.  It was centred around my sister, who wanted to go to college or stay on for 6th form at school, something that I was not allowed to do.  I remember building up the courage to actually answer my parents back and to support my sister in what she wanted to do.  It turned into a more personal thing, and I was more upset that I wasn’t able to go to college or 6th form myself.  Whilst I don’t remember the whole conversation, the closing remarks from my father after I said that staying on was something I wanted to do was that the only thing he wanted from me was that my room was kept tidy.  I think I was left floored by the comment, as despite all that was said, it had nothing to do with our conversation.

Whenever my room because a little messy, I feel like a child again, and think that I have to clean it before I’m told off.  Now that I am 32, I still wait for someone to tell me it’s messy, but actually I am now OK with that.  I don’t have much stuff out, but I do have things dotted around.  However, it does make me feel powerless and childlike.

As I change the should to could, and take back my power, I am able to feel like an adult again.  I now say “I could clean my bedroom, but I choose not to at this moment in time”, I feel a sense of power and enable myself to actually do things that bring me joy.  I no longer feel guilty for the things dotted around, but also notice that I am able to put my own priority into what I am doing, and then I when I feel it’s right – I clean the room because I want to, and not because I should.

 

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